So I'm going to write about me.And how uncrappy I am.haha.
2009 ended with such a crap note that my old self would still be hurting from it.I would be silently moaning about how the universe fucked me over once again.How life isn't fair,how nothing ever goes right, blah blah blah blah blah wiiiiiiiiiine blah blah.
My new years was supposed to be this amazing magical night filled with Orion, costumes, booze and Amanda Palmer.And instead I got violently ill and ended up puking my brains out and running fevers all day resulting in cancellation of all plans. Alone, laying in my bed as I watched the little digital clock on my phone turn to midnight.....Silence.....I looked up at Meeka who had been next to me most of the day and said "happy fucking new year". I eventually went to sleep and woke the next day still feeling a little under the weather but the true pain came from having all of my plans shattered, their was this feeling of being disappointed in myself for some reason.The beginning of the day was me as Grumpy McGee with an agenda to kill and destroy all...but later on in the day something clicked. No longer was I mad at the situation, it suddenly became humorous.It was SO ridiculous how could I not laugh about it? 2009 was one of the hardest years of my life.It was full of heavy shit,medical problems,depression,anger, loneliness. For once in my life it felt like I had emotionally hit rock bottom. But 2009 was also the best year of my life.The growth.The roots that have dug deep. The strengthening of my core. The love I found for everyone and everything, but most importantly the love I found for myself. My new years was perfect, it was exactly what was supposed to happen.Theirs no hard feelings towards new years or 2009 anymore, because the beauty that came from all of it wouldn't be traded for anything.
This year has been amazing.It began with people I love. I'm grateful for everything.
I'm still growing but the end of the year definitely gave me a cup of fertilizer to help a long the process.
I broke a front tooth for fucks sake.That's something I've had nightmares about for years and after about an hour of freak out I sat naked in front of my mirror smiling at myself and laughing about how stupid it was.A year ago my night would have been ruined and my spirit broken, instead I fell asleep laughing.Don't get me wrong I still didn't want anyone to see me looking like I got some of those fake teeth out of a quarter machine but at least I laughed about it.
Feeling sorry for yourself is so easy and so pointless.If you spend your time doing it you waste valuable time that you could be spending realizing how awesome you are.The good the bad and the bootleg.
So HOLLA 2010. May you bring more growth I so do crave.
penis
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